Note to Men: Grow Up!

July, 2007

by: Brad Kelley

I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up Not me! (“I’ll Never Grow Up” from “Peter Pan”)

When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1Cor 13:11)

When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son. “I am about to go the way of all the earth,” he said. “So be strong, show yourself a man, and observe what the LORD your God requires: Walk in his ways, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and requirements, as written in the Law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go,” (1Kings 2:1-3)

American society has lost its way in many areas over the last 50 years, not least of which is in the area of what defines a mature adult male. In this respect, images in the media are instructive. Popular television programs of the 1960’s; "Father Knows Best", "Donna Reed", and "My Three Sons" showed that Americans viewed men as responsible husbands and fathers and the center of gravity of the family and society. Today, hit shows like "The Osborne’s" and "The Simpson’s" portray Dads as irrelevant objects of condescension and derision.

Of course, these developments are reflected in our educational institutions. Anyone who has attended a secular University in the last 30 years, regardless of the discipline pursued, has done so on the terrain of feminism. And why not?

Someone has to be the adult. Male abrogation of their responsibilities means those responsibilities have defaulted to women. Nor has the church been immune to these influences. Pastor Mark Driscoll of the Mars Hill Church in Seattle set off a storm of controversy recently, saying essentially that the absence of masculine virtues in the church has left it a place where men are reluctant to go:

“The major blind spot of mega churches is that they tend to be very effeminate with aesthetics, music, and preaching perfectly tailored for moms. Manly men are repelled by this, and many of the men who find it appealing are the types to sing prom songs to Jesus and learn about their feelings while sitting in a seafoam green chair drinking herbal tea—the spiritual equivalent of Richard Simmons. A friend of mine calls them “evangellyfish” with no spiritual vertebrae.” (Christianity Today, July 2006)

David’s charge to Solomon, and to us, was simple and timeless: grow up and assume the role God has designed for you. Much of the blame for today’s state of affairs must be laid at the feet of Christian males who have not grown up into biblical manhood. And insofar as we have failed at this in the church, just so far have we disobeyed the Word of God.

Show Up - Are you in High School? Don’t allow “I’m just a kid” to be an excuse for failing to consider what kind of an adult you want to be. In times past it was common practice for teenagers to establish a set of principles which would guide them into adulthood. Identify a set of mature godly characteristics that you would like to exhibit and then pursue them.

Grow up - Are you a college student or young professional? Paul said that when he became a man he put away childish things. It is time for you to do the same and to cease talking, dressing and acting like a kid. “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Tim 2:22) Be choosy in your friendships, both in men and women. Find older men who demonstrate mature, sober wisdom and imitate their lives. (Phil 3:17) Without doubt, the single largest threat to your testimony and personal growth is abuse of the internet. So, too, is it folly to become involved with an unsaved woman.

Step Up - Are you married, establishing a family and career? Be an example of diligence, maturity and sacrificial love to your wife and children. Be the leader in your home. To see a father scrambling for the approval of his children is pathetic. A current TV commercial shows an otherwise average-looking Dad ridiculously and comically covered with multiple piercings and earrings in his nose, lips and ear lobes. He tells his teenaged son that he can¹t wait to get a tattoo. The son looks into the camera and says, “I hate my life.” You cheat yourself, your wife and your children by acting like a kid. Dad, your mission is to grow up and be a man even though everything in contemporary secular society will fight against you in this.