Training Up Your Child

January, 2003

by: Brock Bolde

This past month, as I was preparing to bring a very long third semester of seminary to a close, I found myself thinking about the final grades that I would be receiving. I contemplated the impact that my final exams would have on these final grades, and as a result I put my body through rigorous extremes, going many a night without sleep. And now, as I sit here and think back on that whole experience, I ask myself… why? Why would I put myself through such torture and torment over something as silly as a grade? My answer became painfully clear and it had nothing to do with wanting to bring glory to God. Like Peter, when he walked on the water (Matthew 14:30), I was distracted by all that was going on around me. I had lost my proper focus and directed my attention to something that didn't really matter.

There is a great parallel here in regard to parenting. As parents, it is very easy to get distracted, to take our eyes off of the real issues. One area that this becomes glaringly obvious is in regards to obedience. We can get all worked up in an effort to make our children obedient that we fail to look at their hearts and their need for salvation. Jesus never failed to keep a proper focus. After sharply rebuking a group of Pharisees, He helps His disciples to keep a proper focus: “…That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts… deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.” (Mark 7:20-22)

The heart of your child needs to be the focus of your ministry as a parent. Everything else is secondary! Do not get so caught up on external obedience that you fail to properly shepherd your child. External obedience will flow out of a pure heart. To simply focus on the external behavior is a failure to deal with the real issue. Until our children see their sin for what it is, an abomination before God, they will never see their need for a Savior. May God give us all the strength and wisdom to properly train up our children in the way they should go!