Withdrawing from One Another

February, 2003

by: Lisa Hughes

“He who separates [isolates] himself seeks his own desire, He quarrels against all sound wisdom.” Prov. 18:1

Withdrawing from one another. We've all seen it happen. For one reason or another, a friend from church begins to withdraw from Bible Study or church attendance, maybe phone calls become less frequent or your conversations revert to less personal topics so that a distance is created. Notice that Prov. 18:1 says, “He who separates himself…” They choose to pull away and isolate themselves. It also says that the one who isolates himself seeks his own desire. Many times a person who is hurting will withdraw from the society of saints because they feel they don't fit in or don't have the energy to “be happy”; many times a person who is sinning will withdraw so they can indulge their sin and not have to be inconvenienced by the convicting presence of fellow believers; many times a person will withdraw simply to spend time on other pleasures — reading a book, shopping, visiting with friends — rather than being faithful to attend church or Bible Study or serve in a ministry. Whatever the reason Prov. 18:1 says that they seek their own desire. They are choosing to satisfy themselves rather than trust God that His ways are best and that fellowshipping with the saints will promote their best good. When asked about it that person may even quarrel against all sound wisdom. Often times they have great reasons why they haven't been around, but the truth is, sound wisdom says that we are “not to forsake our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near” (Heb. 10:25).

What can you do for your friend if you notice them withdrawing? Call them, spend some time talking with them, find out what might be troubling them, see if there is some way to help. If they are sinning in some way, gently rebuke them by using the Scriptures. Encourage them to do what is right and trust God. God has not made any mistakes in requiring that His children fellowship with one another. It is for our good and for our protection. Recognize too, that taking a little breathing time every once in a while is not sin, but the pattern of withdrawal is definitely something to take note of.

What if you are the one withdrawing? Stop indulging your own desires and begin taking the steps back to spending time with your fellow believers. Realize that God knows exactly what He is requiring of you when He commands that we fellowship with one another, study with one another, encourage and build up one another. He knows that in pain, hardship, or selfishness we tend to withdraw. Ask Him to help you to do what is right and pleasing to Him.

So we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another (Rom. 12:5).