Don't Let Your Self–ology Get in the Way

March, 2004

by: Walt Bertelsen

“Fraidy cat!”

That boyhood taunt rings in the ears of most men. It haunts us with a persistence that defies imagination. It haunts us because it's true./p>

I remember growing up wondering whether or not I could truly be a man. You know what I mean? Will I run from the fight? Can I win the girl? Do I have what it takes? I remember looking at my boyhood heroes. They seemed fearless. They rallied the troops and inspired the nation. They crossed the mighty ocean in a tiny plane. They flew to the moon. They stood against the enemy.

But what about me? What would happen? Had I truly known the One who is Almighty when I was younger, I might have taken a cue from events in my life, such as the following:

Walking home from junior high one day with my friend Steve, some big guy jumped him and wrestled him to the ground with a choke–hold. I saw Steve's face turning beet red. I forgot myself, and in an instant, was on top of the big guy, fighting with a fierceness and determination I'd never imagined.

At twenty, I went to Vietnam. There, I learned that courage mostly meant controlling my fear long enough to do what I had to do and survive another day. So then, was this the secret to being a man? Just screw up your courage, take the bull by the horns, “just do it!” Believe in yourself! After all, our culture everywhere is seeking to build our self–esteem, our self–confidence. They want to help us succeed. Admirable goal.

It doesn't work.

Men, whether macho types or wimpy dudes, face fear on a regular basis — in all areas of life: Getting a job, assuming leadership responsibility in the home, talking with their teens about sex, stepping up to serve their wives or others. The problems are usually the same: fear of failure, fear of being found lacking in some way, fear of pain.

Peter, as a disciple, seemed to learn everything the hard way (don't we all!). Remember, after the feeding of the 5,000, the disciples headed across the lake in a boat (Mt 14). Jesus came to them, walking on the water. Peter opened his mouth, asking the Lord to tell him to come. He got out and walked, coming almost to Jesus. Then, noticing the wind, he got scared and began to sink.

The problem for Peter — and for us men as well — was not so much his theology as his self–ology. Peter took his eyes off Christ and looked at his circumstances. Peter's “self,” having no control over his circumstances, was unable to overcome the fear, and went down.

The remedy: Jesus, on that occasion, and numerous other times, rebuked Peter for his lack of faith (Mt 14:31). “Yeah, I know,” you may say, “I'm supposed to conjure up more faith.” Don't let your self–ology get in the way. Jesus never rebuked their faith without, at the same time, revealing to them a bit more of His character as the object of faith. (In this case, as soon as He got into the boat, the wind ceased — He controls all circumstances). There is nothing good in ourselves — including our faith. Jesus commands us to not fear (Jn 14:1). And Paul reminded Timothy, that God gave us, not the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self–control (2 Tim 1:7). If our Maker commands it, it must be doable. And that because of who He is, not who we are. Remember the nature, character, and ability of the object of our faith. His nature is completely holy, the character of His heart is absolutely trustworthy and gracious, and His power is infinite. Remember also that, as we face the fearful circumstances of this life, (and beyond, to facing Him one day), we don't have to fear, but rely on the love He has for us, since perfect love casts out fear (1 Jn 4:16-18). Jumping on that big guy was not about me, but my friend. This life is not about you. It's about Him.