A Family of Hope, Part 2

June, 2004

by: Brock Bolde

I don't know if you're anything like me, for your sakes I hope not, but there are times when I've wrestled with one of the most perplexing questions in all of parenting — is my child saved? My wife and I have talked at great length only to come to the conclusion that we just don't know. There are moments where it seems that, yes, there is evidence of salvation. There are still other times when we look at each other and ask, “where have we gone wrong?” It would be nice if every child came with a little sign that would pop out at the time of their conversion — but alas, they do not, so we must continue to wrestle and strive to help our children to understand what it means to put their faith in Jesus Christ. We must continue to live our lives in such a way that Christianity is seen as appealing rather than appalling. Christ must be our sufficiency and the One for Whom we thirst for. He must increase while we decrease so that our children's confidence is in Him and not in us. He must be the One that we cry out to, pleading that He would pour His grace and mercy out upon our children — that He would call them unto Himself and allow them to be vessels for His glory.

God has given those of us who are parents a tremendous responsibility. It must be our goal to see our children enter into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. As I have already stated, determining when they have done this can be a little difficult. On the one hand, we want to encourage our children to profess Christ and thus receive His free gift of salvation. On the other hand, we don't want to give them a false sense of security because they simply have stated that they “love Jesus.” I see two extremes that we must avoid if we are to help our children to grow in their pursuit of Christ.

The first extreme that we must avoid is perfectionism — the thought that we will know our children are saved when they do everything that we ask them to do without arguing or complaining; when they walk in total obedience! Let me ask you this, when is the last time that you walked in total obedience. And yet many of us tend to expect perfection from our children in an effort to assure us of their salvation. We forget that, like us, children that are saved are in the same sanctification process that we are. Jerry Bridges, in his book entitled The Pursuit of Holiness writes, “and training — physical, mental, or spiritual — is characterized at first by failure. We fail more often than we succeed. But if we persevere, we gradually see progress till we are succeeding more often than failing.” As parents, we must understand that our children will fail and it is during those times that we must bring them back to the Word of God and help them to get back on track.

The second extreme that we must avoid is easy–believism — the thought that because our child tells us that they love Jesus, they are eternally secure and without question a member of God's family. The parents that err on this side tend to forget the verses that talk about “counting the cost” (Luke 14:27-33), “denying yourselves” (Matthew 16:24), and “running with endurance the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1). They forget that “not all who say Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 7:22-23).

When it comes to our children, you and I must take great pains to not fall prey to either of these extremes. There is a peace that comes in resting in our eternal security as believers. On the other hand, there is much laboring and striving that must occur as we seek to walk in obedience to our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus. Our children need to understand and strike the proper balance between these great truths so that they don't pursue a god of their own making. May God give us the wisdom and the discernment to properly lead our children to the foot of the cross, where they will find the Christ of the Scriptures and the salvation that comes in putting their faith in Him.