Is Your Mouth On Auto–Pilot, Part 2

May, 2005

by: Beth Mack

Living in Southern California we all know how dangerous fires are. Even a small fire can quickly get out of control and cause an incredible amount of damage; destroying homes and lives in the process. James 3:5 compares the tongue to a forest fire. It is a small body part that can cause a great amount of damage.

Last month we talked about some questions to learn to ask ourselves before we speak to help prevent our tongue from being like a fire. We said that we need to learn to ask ourselves: “Will this build up or tear down?” and “Is this the right way to say this? Is this properly mannered?” This month we want to look at two more questions to ask ourselves.

Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 that we need to speak according to the need of the moment. We need to have properly timed speech. There is a certain time when things need to be said and there are times when things need to be left to later. For example, to tell your friend that she has a spot on her blouse when there is something that she can do about it is helpful but to do it in the middle of church when there is nothing that can be done isn’t. Or when your friend is already overwhelmed and struggling with some things going on in her life might not be the time to confront her on more issues in her life. The words we speak might be true but not according to the need of the moment. The third question I need to ask myself is “Is this the right time to say this? Is this according to the need of the moment?”

Not only is timing important but we also need to think about the setting of our speech. Proverbs 25:11 says, “Like apples of gold in setting of silver is a word aptly spoken.” God wants us to see that we should be concerned about the setting that our words are said in. I have been around too many people that have verbally attacked their friend or family members in front of others. Sometimes instead of dealing with something in private, we say things to others involved in public when we can do it under the pretense of a joke. Or someone shares something with you in private and you bring it up to discuss with them in public. The fourth question then that we need to ask ourselves before we speak is “Is this the right setting for this to be said?”

Learn to ask yourself these four simple questions before you speak. Will this build up or tear down? Is this the right way to say this? (What kind of tone am I using? What is my non-verbal language communicating?) Is this the right time to say this? And lastly, is this the right setting for this to be said in? Learn to be a haven for people with your words.