Training in Self–Control, Part 1

February, 2006

by: Brock Bolde

It has been said that “a man who was not trained, in childhood, to self-control, is hopelessly a child in his combat with himself” (Hints on Child Training, p. 53). If this be true, then we must be diligent to teach our children what the Bible has to say about this matter of self-control – and fortunately for us, the Bible says plenty. For starters, we are told in Proverbs 25:28 – “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit.” In Old Testament Israel, cities were surrounded by walls. These fortified cities were quite different from “unwalled villages” (Ezek. 38:11; Lev. 25:29–34). They were made thick and strong (Num. 13:28; Deut. 3:5) and generally made of stone. The term wall was often used metaphorically of security and safety (Isa. 26:1; 60:18; Rev. 21:12–20). An equivalent thought of a city without walls, might be a city without police officers or a country without an army. There would be no protection. Think about how chaotic life would be without these forces being in place and that is what you have with a person who lacks self-control – pure chaos. As parents, we must help our children to understand the importance of self-control. Since they are children, they have no clue regarding the value and necessity of self-control. All they know is the sensation of something tasting or feeling good. They don’t have the discernment to know that too much of something that tastes good or makes them feel good may actually cause them harm. Therefore, it is our duty and responsibility to teach them and help them to practice self-control in their lives.

H. Clay Trumbull writes – “Every child needs the help of his parents in gaining control over his body, instead of allowing his body to gain the control of him. The appetites and passions and impellings of the outer man are continually striving for the mastery over the inner man; and unless one is trained to master these instead of being mastered by them, he is sure to fail in his life struggle” (Hints on Child Training, p. 56). If you and I are to fulfill our God-given roles and thus train up our children in the way they should go, then we must train them up to a life of self-discipline. Too many people, even within the confines of the church, make excuses for their child’s behavior instead of taking the time to teach their child about self-control. I understand that children need to run around; that their bodies are growing and their muscles are developing such that they need to be active. But does this give them an excuse to run wild? To act reckless? To function in the same manner as a “city without walls?” Many a well-intentioned parent has done great harm to their child by not teaching them proper self-control; by making excuses for their child’s behavior instead of taking the necessary steps to teach that child. In addition, they have also brought unnecessary pain and sorrow upon themselves. As these children move into young adulthood, they are ill-prepared to practice self-control and thus get into all kinds of mischief and trouble. All kinds of troubles are brought on because these children have never been taught to stop laughing when it is not appropriate to laugh; to stop talking when it is not appropriate to talk; to stop playing when it is not appropriate to play. As parents, we must take the time to train our children unto the practice of self-control; we must stop making excuses for them and start helping them to exhibit those qualities that will some day benefit them in adulthood. According to 1 Timothy 4:7-8, you and I are to “have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” Self-control is a profitable and necessary trait for your child, and the child who is trained in it by his parents will be benefited now and in the life to come.