Training in Self–Control, Part 2

March, 2006

by: Brock Bolde

Last month we took some time to explain the necessity of training our children in the area of self-control. As we learned, there are many benefits to training our children in this manner. Our children are benefited because they learn at an early age the importance of keeping their actions/attitudes in check. Without self-control our children become like “a city without walls” (Proverbs 25:28); they become out of control and a danger to themselves and those around them. But our children are not the only ones benefited, we as their parents are benefited as well. Proverbs 29:17 tells us that when we correct our sons they will bring us comfort and they will delight our souls. A child who is not trained up in the way of self-control seems to take the very life-blood out of parent. Talk with any parent who has a rebellious, out of control child and they will tell you of the great sorrow that accompanies that child — no matter what that child’s age! Thus, it is imperative that we train our children in the way of self-control. But how might we go about carrying out this all-important task? What might we do specifically to train our children up in this discipline? In the paragraph that follows are but a few suggestions as to how you might practically train-up your child in the area of self-control.

For those of you with newborns and children that are not quite able to fully comprehend what you are saying to them, the best place to start is in helping your child to gain control over his lungs and muscles. When a child becomes irritated or annoyed over their current situation they may be prone to arch their backs and let out a scream that makes it very clear to you and everybody on the block that they are not happy. This can be remedied by helping your child to learn that this is not how we go about doing things. You may communicate to your child in a lovingly firm tone that this is not how he is to go about getting what he wants. If it means holding your child’s belly down so that they do not arch their backs, then this can be done; if it takes giving your child an affirming pinch on the bottom to communicate this, then that can be done as well. Even as an infant, a child must be taught to exhibit self-control. In his book, Hints on Child Training, H. Clay Trumbull writes: “The way of helping the child will be found, by the parent who wills to help him. To leave a child to himself in these earliest struggles with himself, is to put him at a sad disadvantage in all the future combats of his life’s warfare; while to give him wise help in these earliest struggles, is to give him help for all the following struggles” (p. 54). We cannot start early enough in training our children to self-control.

For those of you with older children, one way that you can help your child is to teach him to exhibit self-control when he hurts himself. There are many children that react to physical pain in a way that would cause you to think they were dying. By not dealing with this and by not helping your child to exhibit self-control when he gets hurt, is to do him a great disservice. Our children must not be controlled by their impulses or discomfort – they must practice self-control in a variety of settings and situations. Another means of demonstrating self-control is when it comes to eating. Too many children are allowed to practice their drama skills when something they don’t like crosses their lips. A parent must not allow a child to do this – our children should not be allowed to manipulate a situation by crying or gagging over what is in their mouths. They must be taught to get themselves under control and eat what is set before them – whether they like it or not! The reason that many of our children respond the way that they do is because they have a wide assortment of things to choose from. If our children were in another part of the world and all that they had available to them were vegetables and the like, I guarantee you that if they became hungry enough, they would find a way to eat that disgusting morsel.

Every child needs the help of his parent to grow in self-control. As parents, we must continue to ask ourselves whether we are helping or hurting our children in this all-important endeavor! Doing such will benefit both the child and the parent.