A Child's Propensity to “Tease”

April, 2006

by: Brock Bolde

Over the last few months, we have taken a fair amount of time to explore some practical and useful ways in which to properly train our children. Taking some cues from H. Clay Trumbull’s book entitled “Hints on Child Training,” we have attempted to look at some of the more common areas in which parents struggle in their child training. Perhaps one of the biggest stumbling blocks of effective parenting is in a parent’s inability to train a child not to tease. According to Trumbull, “‘To tease’ is ‘to pull,’ ‘to tug,’ ‘to drag,’ ‘to vex [or carry] with importunity.’” To bring it into modern day language, we might say that Trumbull’s teasing would be the equivalent of our begging or whining. The spirit that drives this type of behavior is selfishness — this type of child refuses to take no for an answer and won’t let up until he gets what he wants. If you have a child that is like this, then I have only one thing to say to you — it’s your fault. “If a child could have what he wanted at his first asking, he would not tease; for there would be no room for his teasing. If a child never secured anything through teasing, he would not come into the habit of teasing; for there would be no inducement to him to tease” (Hints on Child Training, p. 57). A child learns at a very early age what he can or can’t do to get what he wants from his parents. If you are in the habit of “rescuing” your child from the arms of another the moment they start to fuss or whimper, you are training your child at a very early age to tease (beg or whine). If you buy your child that toy that he keeps bugging you for, then you are training him to tease. If teasing didn’t work, guess what — your children wouldn’t do it. But far too many parents, in an effort to keep the peace, cave into the begging and whining of their children. Rather than letting their “yes” be “yes” and their “no” be “no” (Matthew 5:37), many parents give way to their child’s incessant pleading. What they fail to realize is that they are sending a message to their children that teasing works! It actually produces the result that the child wants. “Susannah Wesley, the mother of John and Charles Wesley, was accustomed to say of her children, that they all learned very early that they were not to have anything that they cried for, and that so they soon learned not to cry for a thing that they wanted” (Hints on Child Training, p. 59). Many a parent would do well to take a page from the book of Susannah Wesley for the lesson taught is right out of the pages of Scripture. Philippians 2:14-15 says: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,”

By allowing your children to “tease” you are helping them to establish a pattern of sin that will not easily be broken. If your children come to see that they gain nothing through their begging or pleading, they will soon stop doing it! But this will mean that you must consider your answer before you give it. “When a child asks a favor of a parent, the parent must not reply hastily… He must consider carefully what his final answer ought to be, before he gives an answer that the child is to accept as final; and when the parent gives that answer, it ought to be with such kindly firmness that the child will not think of pressing his suit by teasing” (Hints on Child Training, pp. 60-61). A whining child is not the glory of a parent and yet many a parent breeds this type of behavior in their child. God has not called you to train up a generation of whiners or grumblers — instead he has called you to train up your child in the way he should go. May each of us be faithful to fulfill that high calling, not for our own glory, but rather for the glory of the One who is worthy of all glory, honor and power — our great God and Savior Jesus Christ.