Dad: How do You Spell 'Success'?

November, 2006

by: Walt Bertelsen

If you want your children to be successful in life, raise your hand… I see that hand!

We all want our children to be wonderfully successful. But what does success look like? Unless you have a clear idea of what it means to be successful in life, you may miss the blessing of recognizing it when it happens or—most tragically—spend your life working for the wrong kind of success for your children (or yourself).

If I may be so bold, let me push the envelope a little further past the word “success.” What about “greatness?” Should you aspire for greatness for your children (or yourself) and is it possible? Yes: greatness, rightly understood, is a proper goal for the child of God. Greatness, rightly understood, is simple to achieve. (I didn’t say “easy.”)

I set my heart to consider this question recently, sparked by the comments of a Christian dad (Tim Kimmel) on a Christian radio program. This dad spent most of his time articulating the kind of success that most American parents desire for their children. It was easy to recognize that these were not biblical standards he was talking about. However, it struck me that many of us who name Christ as Lord consciously or unconsciously use these same criteria as we seek to guide our children to live independently in the world. Here are the criteria: 1) Wealth: the right SAT score, and the right school, are fundamental for getting the right job so they can make the right salary; 2) Beauty is a priority: my kids must look good; 3) Power: my children need to have control over their future and influence with others; 4) Fame: they should have recognition for their hard-earned… whatever.

If you think that Christians have not been thoroughly infected by these values, the speaker proposed this little test: the next time you get Christmas letters from your (Christian) friends, think about these four values (wealth, beauty, power, fame). They will jump off the page and stare at you from the photos!

You and I are very much impacted by the world’s thinking when it comes to the “success” that we want for our children. We know that God wants to change our thinking so that we die to self and discern His values (Romans 12:1, 2). In God’s economy, greatness, more than success, is what we should be aiming at for ourselves and aspiring to for our kids. Success may come—but true success will be a by-product of seeking greatness (Matt 6:33). This discussion begs the question: What is true greatness?

God’s simple criteria is spelled out in the great commandments: love God and love others. Tim Kimmel fleshed this out as regards our kids in a way worth remembering: a truly great kid is one who will have a passionate love for Jesus Christ that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others. He meant being a servant.

Before I was chosen to be an elder at Calvary, I struggled for some time with wanting the position. After all, as Paul wrote to Timothy, the one who “aspires” or “sets his heart” on being an overseer desires a good work (1 Tim 3:1). However , the focus of the statement is not the position, but the work itself—the service to the Body of Christ. This is precisely what Jesus came to do—to give Himself, taking on the form of a servant (Phil 2). He told His disciples the same—if you want to be great (not a wrong desire) you must be the servant of all (Matt 20:26).

To aim for success, as the world defines it, is to aim at nothing at all. This kind of “success” will never satisfy your soul—because you will be aiming at a future that is essentially all about you. Jesus defines greatness as being the servant: humble, grateful, and generous. This is what love is all about: a commitment to others and their best interest, no matter the cost. If this is not the way you think, if this is not what you are instilling in your children, then stop crawling off the altar (the inherent problem of a “living” sacrifice), repent and let God change your mind. God spells “success” and “greatness” the same: s-e-r-v-a-n-t. It will indeed be worth it all, when you see Jesus!