Christmas is Coming… Are You Trapped Along with Most Men?

December, 2006

by: Walt Bertelsen

My wife, Michelle grew up without Santa Claus. Every year, her dad would remind the kids, “I’m Santa Claus.” He was not a Christian: he just wanted them to understand that what they got under the tree came out of his pocket.

What Michelle’s dad was getting at is typical of many (dare I say most?) men. We men want the recognition that we are the providers for our family. We want this, even when we are not doing much else besides “bringing home the bacon.” Yet God Himself already recognized you in this capacity: He says (1 Tim 5:8) that the one who does not provide for his own household is worse than an unbeliever! God, Himself gave you the job.

Beware, however, that you not fall into the trap of thinking that providing for your family’s physical needs is the sole criterion by which the Lord judges your leadership. He has also appointed you the spiritual leader—whether you exercise this responsibility or not. You are to love your wife as Christ loved the Church—this means that you are to love her sacrificially as the servant-leader of your family. You are to raise your children in the training and instruction of the Lord—i.e., teach them by precept and model by practice what it means to fear Him.

Stop hammering—show me the way out!

About now you may feel guilty for your failures in these most fundamental tests of our manhood. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Understand two very simple truths from God: 1) you are not alone in this; 2) God has provided the way for you to effectively deal with this situation.

If these truths sound familiar, it’s because they are the essence of the teaching found in 1 Cor 10:13. The commonality of our sin and failures should actually encourage your heart greatly. It means that many—if not most—men experience the same sorts of things. It means, too, that since God promises the way out, that way can usually be seen right within the confines of His Body—the Church (i.e., among the other men at Calvary).

God made our physical body to be wondrously capable of repairing itself. Occasionally something goes horribly wrong—antibodies can attack the wrong target (like friendly fire killing our own troops). God has made His Church as a spiritual body (the Body of Christ). Like our physical bodies, the spiritual body is designed to build up and restore/repair itself (Eph 4). This doesn’t happen if areas of weakness, disfunction, or sin are hidden. Yet we men hide: most men tend not to ask directions (pray), most tend to not read the directions (the Compass), and, most men don’t dare expose their needs to other men. However, we are deceived if we think no one sees us.

The way out is all around you!

The Scriptures speak much about relationship within the Church, about the “one anothers,” etc. This is as it should be: eternal life is having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and knowing Him (John 17:3). The way out is not discovered by our own understanding (Lone Ranger mentality), but by acknowledging/submitting to the Lord, allowing Him to change our thinking and direct us (Prov 3:5,6; Rom 12:1,2). The way out can be discovered, in part, within the Body, among the other men of the church. This is what Men’s Ministry is—imperfect saints belonging to Christ, seeking to bring every other man to maturity in Christ (Col 1:28).

Much is happening among the men of our church. For example, a growing group of men called “Legacy” seeks to combine memorable activities and teaching to build father-son relationships. Another notable activity is the development of mentoring/discipling relationships. Let me “sell” you on mentoring: The best learning is achieved by most men through modeling—having someone show them how it’s done. Mentoring is this kind of relationship, and is designed to foster growth. It is not limited to Bible study, but can include almost anything: learning a skill (e.g., how to care for your car), studying truth (e.g., studying a book or topic in the Scriptures), or wise application of knowledge in your life (e.g., raising your children).

Christmas is coming! If you’ve seen nothing but failure for this past year, then ask the Lord for direction, read His directions, be open to seek help among other parts of the Body. Let this be your New Year’s resolution.