Helping Your Child to Change Biblically

December, 2006

by: Brock Bolde

Not too long ago I was spending some unsolicited quality time with my son teaching him about the consequences of sin. He had made a poor choice and was about to feel the serious weight of that choice. I carefully took the time to show Him what the Bible had to say about his sin; I clearly explained to him the fact that he needed to turn away from his sin; I helped him to see the seriousness of his sin. I did all of this and more but at the end of our time I had failed to teach him what he should do. While I had done much to tell him what he shouldn’t do, I had done little to teach him what he should do. The Bible teaches us much about how true change is to take place in our lives. Ephesians 4:22-24 says:

that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

The biblical process for change consists of two necessary elements — “putting off” and “putting on.” The Christian is called to do both. To leave out either of these steps when training up our children is a mistake. Not only must children be taught what they are to stop doing, they must also be taught what to start doing. They must learn how to replace the wrong behaviors with the right ones.

Look at it like this — if you have a glass of water and you wanted to get rid of the water in that glass, all you would need to do is dump it out. The glass would be empty and you would have accomplished your goal. But in accomplishing your goal all you have done is gotten rid of the water (putting off) — you have not created a means by which the glass could not be filled again with water. And so it is with sin — to simply try to get rid of sin without creating a prohibitive measure to make sure that it doesn’t return is pointless. We must make it difficult for sin to return — we must fill the glass with something else; with something heavier. Picture the glass being filled with a substance like concrete (putting on). Give the concrete time to harden and then try to pour water back into it. What happens? The water cannot get back into the cup because it cannot penetrate through the concrete. The cup has been refilled making it virtually impossible for the water to get back in.

This illustration goes far in helping us to understand the importance of “putting off” and “putting on.” Our children need to understand this process otherwise they will become frustrated in their ability to see any real change. They must learn to replace their rotten, unwholesome words with wholesome ones; they must learn to stop lying and start telling the truth; they must learn to flee immorality and to pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace; they must learn to stop envying and start being content with what they have; they must learn to turn away from selfishness and embrace servitude. As parents, we must teach our children this twofold process; we must help them to deal with their sin biblically; to see that true change can only come through a relationship with Jesus Christ; a relationship that renounces sin (putting off) and pursues righteousness (putting on). I failed to do this in my encounter with Joel — but if I know my son, I’m sure that he’ll give me enough of those unsolicited quality time encounters to make sure that I get it right eventually!