Modesty Matters

March, 2007

by: Michelle Willis

I am really excited to write about the subject of modesty, and the reason is because modesty matters.  In fact, when we are talking about how we live our Christian lives and the testimony that we present to the people around us—it matters a great deal.

This is a sensitive issue for many women because they equate modest with frumpy, which we will get to in a minute. Another reason that modesty is a difficult issue is because the popular culture is so strongly opposed to any biblical standard. There is a verse in Jeremiah that talks about the children of Israel and it says, “They were not ashamed, and they did not know how to blush” (Jer. 6:15, 8:12). Well today we live in a culture that does not know how to blush. Nancy Leigh DeMoss has written a great book called The Look and in this book she contrasts what the world says about how we should dress and what the Bible says. As is often the case the two are diametrically opposed to one another. For instance, the world says beauty is external and physical. The Bible tells us that beauty is internal and spiritual. The world says you should dress for people to notice you. The Bible says we are to dress to please God and to glorify Him. The world tells us that the purpose of clothing is to uncover and to reveal. The Bible says the purpose of clothing is to cover and to conceal. As Christian women, we should look different from the world. Paul says “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God…and do not be conformed to this world” (Rom. 12:1-2). We are not to dress like the women of the world, but we are to be “transformed.” The women of the world don’t know any better. When I go to the mall I don’t expect to see modesty, but when I come to church I do. I am sad to say that too many times, there is very little difference in dress between those who profess to know Christ and those who don’t. Our poor men are bombarded with temptation everywhere they look: the workplace, the internet, TV, movies, billboards and magazines. As Christian women we must take this very seriously. We are not to make men stumble by how we dress. When men come to church they should be able to rest and focus their hearts and minds on worship. They should have a little bit of a respite from the constant temptation that they face out in the world.

However, the problem isn’t just a woman’s issue. The sin is also in the “eye of the beholder.” Immodesty is no excuse for lust. A man cannot control what women wear, but he can control what he looks at. The eyes obey the heart. They don’t have minds of their own. It’s a man’s job to command his eyes to obey God. So it is still basically his responsibility to flee youthful lusts (2 Tim. 2:22). But ladies, they don’t need any help sinning! Let’s not be guilty of feeding those sinful thoughts by the way we dress. Rom. 14 speaks clearly about our responsibility to our brothers and sisters in Christ. Verses 12-13 say, “Each of us shall give an account to God…and we should resolve not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way.”

This is not a new problem. The great old Puritan preacher Richard Baxter said this, “You must not lay a stumbling block in their way nor blow up the fire of their lust. You must walk among sinful persons as you would with a candle among straw or gunpowder. Or else you may see the flame which you did not foresee when it is too late to quench it.”

If there is anything in your dress that is sensual or suggestive, you are inviting the men around you to go somewhere in their imaginations that they should never go. The sad reality is that many times men don’t have to use that much imagination, because so much skin is already revealed.

The most important question you must ask yourself is not, “What do I wear?” but instead, “What is the state of my heart?” The real issue is the heart. How you dress on the outside says a lot about who you are on the inside. John MacArthur once said, “The train of sin runs on tracks that were laid in the heart.” So you must be very honest with yourself about your motives. Why do you dress like you do? What kind of reactions are you trying to get?

Is there anything wrong with wanting to be attractive and pleasant to the eyes of other people? Certainly not. Modest does not mean ugly or frumpy. But every woman must be careful that her pursuit of beauty does not become a source of personal pride. You should never ever get secret pleasure from thinking that you are attracting attention from men. So you must examine your motives. You have to be brutally honest with yourself here because your heart is deceitful and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9). In Matt. 12:34, Jesus made this statement: “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” The same principle applies to your outward appearance. You might say “out of the abundance of the heart the body dresses.” Never forget that your clothing says something about you. A person’s first impression is usually based on outward appearance. When you walk in to a room your appearance makes a statement before you have even said one word. You can be very modestly dressed and still have a wicked heart, or you can be immodestly dressed and be naïve, needing someone to come alongside and help you. I cannot stress it enough: modesty is all about your heart! It’s not just about your hemline.

Here’s a foundational principle to remember: if you dress in a way that draws attention to a certain part of your body and makes a man take a second look—it is wrong. It is selfish and it is sinful. The way a woman dresses should draw attention to her face, not to her body. I’m sure you all want to be an overall vision of loveliness, but you don’t want to draw attention to certain parts of your body. I asked Edward to anonymously survey a few men at Calvary about specific ways they struggle with their eyes. These are guys who love their wives and love the Lord with all their hearts, trying their best to live holy, godly lives. They were very honest about things that tempted them, and I will be sharing their answers in the Koinonia Groups. I think you’ll be surprised at their answers and just how deep the problem goes. We must be aware. Ignorance is not an excuse.

Here’s another foundational principle to keep in mind: There’s nothing wrong with being fashionable as long as you don’t violate the principles of modesty. Our goal should be to make reasonable accommodation for the current fashions without compromising biblical principles. You must not measure yourself against the standard of popular fashion, because the culture is so blatantly immodest. So much of this issue comes down to asking yourself, “What do I want?” I do not want men staring at me as I walk past, and I’m sure you don’t either. If you don’t want the secret leers of men, then don’t dress in a way that invites them.

Ladies, there are a lot of fashion tips out there. You can get it from magazines, the media, from your favorite trendy store or from your most stylish friends. But you don’t belong to this world (1 Peter 2:11), so don’t use worldly wisdom. As a woman of God, you are commanded to “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2). The Lord has given you everything you need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). Let’s use His Word as our guide and ask the Lord “What would You have me wear?”