Husbands, Love Your Wives

June, 2007

by: John Norfleet

Although this is written under the "Men's Ministry" section, I suspect the title will draw the attention of as many (if not more) wives as husbands. If so, wives, I encourage you to support your husbands' effort to love you as God intends.

The family is purposed to be a primary resource for the nurturing of our faith. We often hear the testimony of those who were raised in Christian homes and of those who were not and the impact the family has on its members is beyond question. We believe that God's plan for the family is to provide a strong foundation from which His children can be both taught and have their faith developed. The strength of this foundation is dependent upon our understanding of and obedience to the direction of Scripture. I want to share with you what I have learned from some key passages in my desire to love my wife in the way God has called me to.

I Corinthians 6:15-17 cautions us regarding sexual immorality and reminds us of God's statement that husband and wife are to be one flesh. Verse 17 concludes, however, with the overwhelming recognition that the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Does this mean the physical and emotional relationship with our wives is directly connected to the spiritual relationship we individually have with our Lord? I believe this to be true and would also offer that as one flesh, we have a spiritual relationship as husbands and wives to Jesus Christ. The obvious recognition in this, husbands, is we must take care of both our individual spiritual health and that of our marriage! Clearly, this must be followed if the family is to nurture the faith.

Further, the Bible is very clear regarding the responsibility of fathers for their children. Ephesians 6:4 states, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” If we fear our own inadequacy in raising our children, remember Judges 13:8 which describes an appeal to God from the father of Samson for guidance on how to raise his son. Throughout Scripture we read of God's commands regarding a father's specific responsibilities as the head of his family: protect, provide, teach, love, worship the Lord our God. The challenge that arises is whether the spiritual, physical, and emotional relationship between husband and wife sufficiently supports God's direction to us. It is my prayer and purpose with these comments that you will be both provoked and encouraged to strengthen this relationship.

Ephesians 5:25 , “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Where better to go than the authoritative model of Christ's relationship with His church. The love within this model is manifest in his loyalty and commitment to the church. The action within this model is manifest by His leadership, protection, and instruction of the church. His sacrifice within this model is in His denial of self and the sacrifice of His own body. How can I possibly measure up to the example of Christ, you ask? I am not Him!! Of course we're not, but we're also not without His example nor are we without the power of the Holy Spirit in helping us follow Him. The Scripture is very clear on what we can and must do. Consider the confidence that comes from clarity: Colossians 3:1-5 concludes with “Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed.” A husband's own life must be obedient if he is to demonstrate the credibility necessary to be the leader of his family. Ephesians 5:28 takes this further, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” What husband is capable of contributing to the spiritual health of his wife and family if he does not take care of his own relationship with Christ? Strengthening our own lives through obedience then allows us to contribute to the strengthening of our wives. Pastor Hughes recently wrote in the Calvary Review of the necessity for Christians to use the Scripture to rebuke and reprove. Can we hope to use the Scripture for any purpose, let alone for correction, if we do not demonstrate obedience in our own lives? Husbands, love your wives enough to sacrifice yourself just as Christ sacrificed Himself for His church. I believe married couples would agree that marriage is the most intense, as well as the most intimate, of all human relationships. The physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of this relationship must be integrated and must be healthy if it is to succeed. Marriage can also be the most difficult of all relationships when conflict exists.

I Peter 3:7 , “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.” Is there conflict in your home? Perhaps the necessary steps to resolution are in understanding, honoring and recognizing her position as a fellow heir. If you need more encouragement, remember the last phrase of this verse, “…so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

I want to conclude these comments with an encouragement to husbands of non-believing wives. Colossians 3:19 also begins with “Husbands, love your wives” but concludes with, “…and do not be embittered against them.” It is so easy to fall prey to the evil one's temptation that a non-believing wife is your enemy; an alien in your own home, perhaps even with the lie that she is an embarrassment to your witness. Husbands of non-believers, what is love if it is not used to prevent destruction? How many of us have listened to the Prince of this world telling us it is neither our right nor our responsibility to lead our wives to Christ. Never, ever, ever give up just as Christ never gives up on His church. I Corinthians 13:4-7 is well known for its description of love. Read it again specifically in the context of your relationship with your wife. Burn it into your heart that it may be present in everything you do with your beloved.

Do you see it, men! If this does not address our beloved; if we do not apply it to the one God has given to us to protect and lead; then we are nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Husbands, love your wives.