Spoken From the Heart

June, 2007

by: Brock Bolde

There’s an old saying that goes – “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me!” And while I’m sure these words were spoken in an effort to bring comfort to a hurting child, they are none the less untrue. Words can and do hurt. And the words that we speak can reveal a lot about who or what matters most to us. In a sense, our words reflect the desires of our hearts. In speaking to the disciples, Jesus said:

For there is no good tree which produces bad fruit, nor, on the other hand, a bad tree which produces good fruit. For each tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they pick grapes from a briar bush. The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart. (Luke 6:43-45)

The words that we speak are shaped and molded in the warehouses of our hearts. They are nothing more than a byproduct of what is controlling and consuming our hearts. If there is a problem with our words then we simply need to go back to the factory in which they were produced to uncover the cause. Wrong words simply flow forth from wrong motives and desires (James 4:1-4). When you fight with your spouse, it is not because you haven’t read the latest book on conflict resolution. When you speak harshly to your kids it is not because you grew up in a home that failed to model proper parenting techniques. No, according to James it is because of the battle that is going on in your heart. You want something and someone is standing in the way of what you want, so you use unedifying words; words that cut down; words that hurt. In doing this, you are demanding that your desire be met; you are demanding that you get what you want even at the expense of others. In his book War of Words, Paul David Tripp lets us know that this happens far more than we would care to let on – “The desire for success at work becomes a demand for appreciation from the boss. The desire to have enough money to pay the bills morphs into a lust for affluence. The desire to be a good parent becomes a desire to have children who enhance my reputation. The desire for friendship becomes a demand to be accepted and anger when I’m not.” When we do this, we allow our hearts to move from worshipping the Creator to worshipping the creation.

As parents, the way that we speak to our children and spouses can reveal much about what is going on in our hearts. That is why we must each take a good hard look at how we communicate. If you find yourself speaking to your kids in a less than ungodly way, then take some time to evaluate which desire has been elevated to a demand. If you find yourself speaking to your spouse in an unedifying manner, then examine yourself to see which desire has sought to take God’s place in the throne room of your heart. The words that you speak and the manner in which you speak them are of spiritual significance. They reveal who or what you are worshipping and they cannot be excused by your circumstances. God’s word makes it painfully clear that the words that we speak matter to Him. God has not called us to be a people who allow both blessing and cursing to flow from our lips (James 3:10). Instead, our words are to be edifying (Ephesians 4:29), always spoken with grace (Colossians 4:6) – for this is what is well-pleasing to the One who has saved us. Let us teach these truths to our children. Let us never excuse or tolerate harsh words that are spoken in our households, but instead let our words communicate the grace that has been poured out upon us by our Heavenly Father. May our words and the words that fill our households, reveal hearts that are filled with a love for our great God and King, Jesus Christ!