Lessons Learned

July, 2007

by: Brock Bolde

It has been said that – “If it was going to be easy to raise kids, it never would have started with something called labor.” I can almost hear a collective “Amen” going forth from every woman that has ever given birth to a child! Raising children is hard. It can, at times, seem to suck the life right out of us. And yet, at times, it can be one of the most rewarding and satisfying things that you and I have the privilege of doing. Yes, parenting seems to be comprised of a strange blend of frustration with satisfaction; of chaos with peace; of sorrow with joy. Throughout my 10+ years of being a parent, God has helped me to realize the great calling that is uniquely mine and Cristina’s in the training up of Jordan, Abby and Joel. He has helped me to see all that is at stake as we labor to bring each of our children to the foot of the cross. It has ignited in me a passion to see families grow and for parents to take seriously their calling from God.

But something unexpected has happened over these past 10+ years – as I have labored to teach my children diligently, God has been using them to teach me. What I once viewed as a one way street – “Me parent, you child, me teach you” – I now view as a two way street – “I’m the parent, you’re the child, God will use each of us to teach each other.” Let me see if I can elaborate on this point.

In his book entitled “Sacred Parenting” Gary Thomas puts it perfectly when he writes:

“The process of parenting is one of the most spiritually formative journeys a man and a woman can ever undertake. Unless we are stone-cold spiritually – virtually spiritual corpses – the journey of caring for, raising, training, and loving children will mark us indelibly and powerfully. We cannot be the same people we once were; we will be forever changed, eternally altered. Spiritually speaking, we need to raise children every bit as much as they need us to raise them” (p. 15).

God has taught me so much about myself as I have sought to raise the children that He has entrusted to my care. I have a much deeper understanding of God’s unconditional love as a result of being a parent in the sense that before my children were even born, there was a deep and sincere love for them; before they were able to do anything to earn it, they had it – and nothing they could ever do can take my love away. Sure, they can disappoint me – even make me hurt – but they cannot remove the love that existed for them before they were even born. Parenting has also taught me how foolish and silly my sin looks to God. There have been times whereby I have watched in amazement as my children have foolishly chosen to pursue their sin over obedience; I have watched them willfully incur a punishment over something that was so foolish that it defied all logic and sense. It was in these times that I saw myself, doing the very same thing with God!

Parenting has done much to show me the depths of my depravity – it has revealed my pride, my anger, and my selfishness, just for starters. Any thoughts of not being such a bad person were thrown out the window as I have sought to deal with crying babies, dirty diapers, sleepless nights, or any of the other countless things that parents must deal with. Any questions regarding my total depravity were eliminated during the younger years of my children’s lives. Which is really all part of God’s plan. God uses other people, especially our children, to teach us of our need for Him and to conform us more and more into His glorious image.

So whether you have young children or grown up children, know that God has and will continue to use them to sanctify you. So don’t fight it, embrace it and grow into the new creature that God has set you apart to be – for His glory.