A Parenting Paradox

August, 2007

by: Brock Bolde

A paradox, as defined in Webster’s dictionary, is “a seemingly contradictory or absurd statement that expresses a possible truth” or “an opinion or statement contrary to commonly accepted opinion.” The Bible has several teachings that would be classified as paradoxical. For example, we are told:

• In order to preserve life, we must lose it (Luke 17:33)
• In order to receive, we must give (Luke 6:38)
• In order to reign, we must serve (Luke 12:42-44)
• In order to conquer, we must surrender (Matthew 5:39)
• In order to be wise, we must become fools (1 Corinthians 3:18)
• In order to be exalted, we must practice humility (Matthew 18:4)
• In order to be first, we must be last (Mark 9:35)

These teachings seem to go against all of the conventional wisdom of our day. They are looked at as being nothing more than absurdities – contradictory statements that mean little. And yet, these paradoxical teachings are in the Bible – which means they are true! Thus, you and I are called to trust them and to live by them. And as we do, something marvelous begins to take place – God begins to remove the blinders from our eyes such that we see the truth in the paradox; we see the wisdom of God put on display and we are in awe that we did not see it before; we are blessed as we watch the gracious hand of God lead us to a better way of life – a way of life that yields a peace and a joy that we in all of our conventional wisdom had never known before.

So why am I sharing all of this with you on a page of the Calvary Review that has been dedicated to parenting? Well, I believe that there is a parental paradox in the Bible; a biblical truth that runs contrary to a commonly accepted opinion. The parental paradox that I am referring to is found in Proverbs 13.24: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

We live in a culture that functions in direct opposition to this teaching. The wisdom of the day tells us that it is wrong to spank a child; recently some law-makers have even tried to make it unlawful to spank (interestingly enough the lady who wrote the bill doesn’t have any children). Conventional wisdom would tell us that spanking is a form of child abuse; that it teaches children to hit; that it prevents children from learning more effective methods of conflict resolution; that it leads the child into a relationship with his parents that is based on fear, not mutual respect. Conventional wisdom would have us believe that we are actually showing love by not spanking our children.

So who are you going to listen to – conventional wisdom or the Bible? Do you believe that it is a demonstration of biblical love to spank or not? Does this parental paradox have you questioning what you should do? Let each of us remember that “the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God” (1 Corinthians 3:19). It must be love that moves us to discipline our children; love for their well-being in this life and in the life to come. Spanking should never be done out of anger or as a means to repay a child for his misconduct. It must be done as a means to instruct; to help the child to understand that there are consequences for disobedience (especially disobedience to the Word of God). If you and I are to become the parents that God calls us to be, then we must work through this parental paradox. We must come to grips with the fact that genuine biblical love requires us to discipline our children; that instead of it driving our children away from us and God, it will actually drive them closer to us and Him as they observe our genuine concern for their well-being. Let us embrace this paradox with the same vigor that we embraced the paradox of our salvation – losing our lives to find it!